February 2013

Whew! Where has the time gone??
Its been almost exactly 5 months since my last post. I can't say that I'm sorry though. I've just been too caught up with school and life.

I forgot to put up my yearly Christmas haul as well! That makes me kind of sad.
I'll put up my haul from Christmas once I get the time. I still have yet to edit the pictures and fix up my draft. It's difficult to blog when you don't have a template that you like.

 I felt like blogging today, since I'm feeling a bit down. I want to make this post a boring and selfish one at most. I need somewhere for my thoughts, I suppose. Bear with me, please. There won't be any pictures, and I'll probably delete this post within a few days.

What's been on my mind lately?

The big question... is... am I going to graduate within the next 4 months?

Lets start off with some background info. I started university in 2008, right after I graduated from high school. I didn't know what I was doing or what I was doing it for. It was just natural to keep going to school. The courses I enrolled into were mostly sciences and general prerequisites. They were all extensions - higher level - courses of what I was used to in high school. Biology, math, stats, english - you name it.

At the time, I didn't think that I would need to do anything differently. Given that I was only an average student in high school, I didn't do well in my first year. I joined the U of A cheer team, and assistant coached my high school swim team. I don't regret doing those latter things, because I got to create some amazing memories and meet some amazing people.

What I regret now is... not knowing what I wanted back then. I'm not sure if many people knew, but I wish I did. I know it's not something you can force, but it would have made everything that much easier. All I knew from what my relatives told me was try to get into Pharmacy. HAHA.

I failed miserably in my first year, it took my second year and some to recover. In that time, I took my beloved art classes, as well as a couple biology courses to boost my pathetic GPA.

I told my brother that I really liked my art and design courses, and he told me to try for Industrial Design, since a few of his friends have done that degree and were highly satisfied with it. So, there I go again - just blindly following a suggestion after doing a little bit of research. After 2 years now... I still haven't been accepted into the program.

Now I'm left with an Art and Design major with a bajillion left over credits that count for nothing. I was forced to pick a minor within a few days, and SO my minor is biological sciences, and I love it.

I like the idea of being different.

As you can imagine though, it is somewhat difficult to jump back and forth between art classes and science classes. They're so fundamentally different in their structure - Lecture, homework, and labs wise. I failed an art history course in 3rd year. Not my greatest moment, but I suppose it happens.

As I'm coming to an end of my 5 year journey at the University... I feel as if I'm still lost and dazed as to what meaning I have in this world. I still have to go out there and find a job. My decisions lie on whether or not I will go back to school and try to get into architecture, because that's "better paying". Again, it's something I've been told.
The dilemma I'm facing is whether or not I will "give up" wanting to work in a field of art and design. Maybe I'll go to nait and do some 2 year diploma and go to work after that. The thing is, time is ticking for me.

I'll turn 23 in September.

To think though - someone else who has graduated a year before I have will already have had a year with a career. It's quite unnerving. I want to be there in life as well.

During a conversation with a friend about our careers, the idea of creating a family came up. The questions were - When are you thinking of settling down? Do you want kids? If so, at what age? As to which, I answered... Whenever I have my career, and I'm happy with it. I'm hoping by the time of my early 30s - If I've met the right person. I don't want to get my hopes up and be let down later.
You can probably guess what type of character I am from that answer - Indecisive, a follower, not really a leader of sorts.

Regarding parenthood, my own parents never pushed me to do anything or be anything. Whatever I wanted was good enough. Now that I'm old enough to go out on my own, they're worried about my ability to support myself in the future.

Is that a cause of bad parenting? Or my inability to take charge of my life?

I'm not sure. It's probably due to the way my parents raised me. My dad keeps asking my mom when I was going to graduate. He still thinks quite traditionally, that that's why he never pushed me to be more than what I am. He thinks that I should be married and moved out very soon. He told me that making around $40,000/year was good enough. I don't want to be "good enough". I want my own life with my own career.

As  I get older though, I see how most of my actions and which path I've taken are quite selfish. I never took my parents into consideration as I went along with life. Heck, I didn't even think about my own consequences.

Now, I'm the person who's never done __(insert illegal substance here)__, but I think I've done much worse with being wishy washy.

I don't really know how to proceed in life... or what my next step should be. If I keep living the way I do... where will I be? Why is it taking me so long to find out? What's holding me back? Is the future recession going to make it more difficult to reach my goals ? What ARE my goals? I guess I should figure that out first.

I've spent about an hour rambling. I feel bad if you've finished reading up to here. Haha! But if you have read all the way down here, I appreciate it...

Until next time, I suppose.

-- xLissa